I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
