big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize