Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
