Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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