just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
