She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
