it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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