I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
