Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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