I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
