Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
