My brain says no but my pants say off.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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