Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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