After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
