Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
