We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
