There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
