Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
