Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
