I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize