I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
