I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
try to milk me bitch
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