Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I smell like Dick and happiness
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