he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
