My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
