I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So many bounce houses so little time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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