I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
