So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
