I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's blow job season.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
