I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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