Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
