how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize