No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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