just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize