i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
