Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
