i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
