Small penises have feelings too.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
