Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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