i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
