So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
