Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
