I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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