Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
