i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
