Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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