The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
