This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
