the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
