btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
