oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
