I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
