best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
