i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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