I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
