Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
