So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
