Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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