If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
