Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
