Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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