and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You can't special order awesome
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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