guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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