last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
