hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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