so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize