He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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