i jhust puked up my retainher.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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