I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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